1. Trying to chase the spider after eating it. Once said critter has been eaten that’s it...it is no longer running around the floor. You are now merely chasing your own shadow thinking it has spider like properties.
2. Da-Bird cannot be carried up and over the exercise bike by its feather. Well I say feather what I actually mean is tuft that has survived. You sound like a gang of burglars and Mummy is a bit scared to go upstairs to see what might be broken.
3. Pestering Daddy will not make Mummy feed you chicken any faster. No it will only make Daddy grumpy. He does not like to look at/sniff your bum hole whilst he is playing Left for Dead and the loud noise coming from him is called shouting.
4. If you go loopy when the shower gets turned on running into the shower WILL make you wet!
5. You cannot fit in the freezer when the door is open. Look it still has draws and it is not some place you want to be.
6. If I clean my ears with a cotton bud it is not then potentially edible. Look I know if you had another cat you would lick ears and stuff but that is just gross.
7. If you go downstairs and I’m upstairs please don’t cry that I am not with you and then relocate and do the same when I am.
8. If we move stuff around in the garden (such as we chop some Leylandi back) and leave a pile of rubbish outside the window you don’t need to bush your tail at it. It can’t get you through glass!
9. You are not a car and have no ABS or cruise control so please control your speed.
10. When I am sat on the toilet is really not a good time to be happy to sit on my knee.
But I still love you Mr Obi Bengal and always will.
I iz not stupidz...tell her!